Life seems to have no meaning except to drink (17th Nov 2006)

Life seems to have no meaning except to drink. Nothing matters except getting drunk. “I give in to sin because you have to make this life livable” Strangelove—Tiger Baby. ********** 

I was absolutely hyperventilating as I waited for 96 to Horse & Groom, then as I walked along the street passing one pub after another, to find it, then pulling open the door to see…Amanda Barrington. Only three men in there. It is impossible to imagine —– working in an environment like this when she could be in the packed to the rafters Scotsman. I escaped, without asking Amanda about —–, as that would give me away, and resolved that I would now be able to go to the Scotsman after all. At Charing X there were no 91s coming, however, so I could not get to the Scotsman by 7, so might as well go to Sunset first so I could at least catch Helen. I saw her do one dance dressed as Salome, plus big Lilou who did look Danish. Snake-hipped Yasmin and Emilia who now looks like her sister, Ruby, Caroline who is Scottish, Nikita. After Helen I went up to Scotsman, already with five inside me, to see Camilla, Chloe, Arleni, Stella, Crystal, Lena. Absolutely packed. Again devastated and empty as still no sign of —–. I was thinking the danger is that now Pamela has comprehensively rejected me, I will start mourning my missed opportunity with —– again, and my mental health did indeed seem very shaky on Saturday. Back to the Sunset for some more Lilou and Caroline, and I was so drunk now I moved into the front row central. Sunset was packed now as well, standing room only, and whole back wall covered by men standing, plus blonde woman, and two Indian girls. Left after 7th beer, just as Caroline sat near me, and headed to say hello to Olga. Her hair is now wavy and looks so gorgeous. With make up on she once more looks like the woman I fell in love with & could not resist. I wish I had my camera with me at that moment. It was so good to see her. Staying with her so long, from 1140PM to 12? I missed the last train of course, and got back to the stop in time for the 20 past midnight N--. I was incredibly wide awake & crystal clear, though by the time we reached —— the headache had started and the eye ache in particular, like someone squeezing my eyeballs.