I always have to have this twisted painful sado-masochistic relationship with women (27th Sept 2006)

I always have to have this twisted, painful, sado-masochistic relationship with women–like —–, Melani. Where initial fondness and attraction turns to anger and bitterness and incomprehension. Like Stephane with Emmanuelle Beart in Un Coeur en Hiver. Like Will Penny. How close I came to Lotta’s fitta, to Covadonga’s, to —–‘s. To get so close to those lovely soft nubile women’s bodies, to be so close to being let in, and then to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I was absolutely like Stephane with Emmanuelle Beart with —–. Let her know I like her, make her want me, and then just coldly stand there and let her go. 

Just one more night to get through, then—I can go back to the Scotsman.