Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily (28th July 2006)

Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily. In fact you cannot have one without the other. Berlin Eroticism is different again, as is Munich Eroticism, and Brussels Eroticism. I will always remember Maria in Pour Platin. I will always remember arriving in Vienna at 11pm in the snow. Saybia, Mando Diao,The Libertines, Chemical Brothers, Soulwax. 

I am sure Lilith knows I am there from the moment I connect to her room. A look always comes over her face, and is it my imagination but does she always start readjusting her camera, just to give an excuse to look directly into the lens? The moment I logged in under ---- I am sure I saw her face freeze, as if suddenly desperate not to betray any emotion, but I am sure her heart started beating faster, because she started breathing deeper and faster.

Another call from Lydia as I lay cutting up my newspapers (9th July 2006)

Another call from Lydia as I lay cutting up my newspapers. I let it ring out, but immediately felt guilty, & texted her back Oh Lydia. This time I answered. What you doing Wednesday & Thursday? You come swimming with me? Maybe. Maybe, or yes?! I don't like swimming but I like you. Alright we will just go outside somewhere. Thursday. I feel excited. She always turns me on. I always want to lay with her and f--k her. I have loved her since the first time I met her. It has been almost two years now. Then there is -----, who I am still addicted to. 

Then there is Lilith. When you put your face close to the cam, it is like the greatest thing in the world. It is like the opening bars of Beethoven's 5th symphony. Something great has just occurred. Like Norman Mailer wrote about Last Tango in Paris. When Marlon Brando first meets Maria Schneider in the apartment & without warning reaches down & rips her knickers off in one movement, the sound of that tear is as great a moment in Western civilisation as the opening Da-da-da-daas of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. It is lunacy but beautiful lunacy. When you put your face next to the screen, it is as great. You say you do this for connections. Yet you don't see the point. Maybe just not with me. You are on a different level to all the other girls. You are iconic. I am scopophile. Erotomane. If you don't talk, you become a fetish object. We gaze & gaze at you. No one else would be worth gazing at. Your face is addictive. There is more going on in your face & eyes than all the other "models" put together. Men look, and women are looked at. I cannot believe there is anyone on the entire web as worth gazing at as you. You glow in the dark. Like the tip of your nighttime cigarette. And the men gather to you, like moths around the flame. And if their wings burn, you know you're not to blame. Marlene Dietrich. Years ago I used to go to old cinemas and gaze up at her face like I do to yours now. They say her glory was all down to the lighting. It is clever the way you light yourself as well. You just show us your face & shoulders, and lit by a spotlight. None of the other girls do that. I can scroll down the list of online girls so quickly knowing your face will leap out as soon as I get to it. 

Every meeting with Lydia is so charged and erotic. Every meeting with ----- is so charged and erotic. Every meeting with Lilith is so charged and erotic. Demi, too. Melani. To an extent, Sandra, Helen.

Sin, degradation and despair. But enough of the good things in life (8th July 2006)

Sin, degradation, and despair. But enough of the good things in life. I have become so used to you, I no longer like it when the other girls reply to me. I now only become erotically aroused when ignored. When I first talked with Lilith in free, she had no lipstick on, just those black eye shadow & black mascara eyes. After she was whisked away from me into private (maybe she keeps taking herself private to lure me in?), she came back wearing that blood red lipstick again, and looking so beautiful. This time I had to take her private myself. ************No sign of Lilith tonight. I have a quandary. I’d have to be as rich as Croesus to pay $20 a time just for four minutes of conversation with you. Yet you do not talk for free. So what is left? I actually look forward to Sunday night back at work so I can look for her again. Like Orphée into the Underworld.

Finally went private with Lilith (7th July 2006)

Finally went private with Lilith. She was wearing black again, with really black eyes. Really red lips, like she was making an effort. Amazing she let me in at all. Not a smile from her, though. Spent $37 just talking to her. “Maybe the riddle is not supposed to be solved”. When I was talking to her in free, telling her she looked like Kate Moss, someone else kept whisking her into private. I am sure that must have been —-, so jealous when anyone else gets on with her. It happened twice. I told her I would send her another email and she replied no ty. You hate me that much. I don’t hate you. I just don’t see the point. I am more hooked then ever. I don’t want to be hooked. I even got a response from Geany. She was wearing those green knickers. I said whenever I see that shade of green I always think of you. And she started smiling. I then said green how I love you green. And she replied hahah Sgt, whether that was sarcastic or not I do not know. She said she was Romanian yet she seems to talk fluent Spanish, so maybe she does know Lorca.

I was saying just on Thursday where are all the sexy dancers (20th June 2006)

I was saying just on Thursday where are all the sexy dancers, and yet Saturday night I felt so sexy watching almost all the Sunset girls, Luna, Adriana, Helen, Ariana, Elektra, Foxy, Esthee, as well as the ones sitting upstairs I never got to see. Atmosphere is everything. Being in the right frame of mind, and being in a crowded place. I will go back to Sunset much more often on Saturdays. All the time Saturday I was thinking “I am in a Fu Manchu film” and every time I felt tired this immediately sparked me up again & made the sight in front of me seem sexy. If I imagine my whole life as being acted inside a Fu Manchu film this makes everything sexy to me. I was thinking on the bus home this morning, when I actually felt so happy & confident, that I needed to be cockier & more confident, like I did Saturday night, to get more out of things. Definitely Fu Manchu is the paradigm I need to remember. The Willing Cheeks of Fu Manchu! The Yellow Claw! I love that foggy Edwardian London they are set in, and after all don’t I live in an Edwardian London? A ——– Edwardian London? It gives me the chance to really enjoy the pleasures of Moloch, the nighttime pleasures, and the pleasures of Berlin, and Vienna, and Brussels. It give me the chance to stay in ——– palaces in Vienna, and elsewhere. If you go in feeling sexy, it will feel sexy. How sexy Esthee seemed. Even Nikita and Anna. Everything was eroticised. I was ready to come in the cinema even after six beers. It was spitting with rain as I came home this morning, and the trees were dark green through the misty spray of the rain, and it felt so Fu Manchu.****An incredible night on Streamway. I gravitated almost straight to OpenLegs4U; she was the only one I wanted to log into under my own name anyway. As usual, she was like stone, not an answer to anyone. Yet her face was so expressive, she was so happy and laughing, and smiling. Amazingly I broke through. “You are like the sphinx” “Beautiful, enigmatic, and mysterious” And then it came, in red: “Ty”. “You set men riddles that no man can solve” I then asked her to look me in the eyes for two seconds, which she did not do, which started off a raging argument between Stooge and Popi: “If you aren’t gonna do that for sarge, why not live up to your namesake and open your legs” “Don’t be so rude”. Then, amazingly, while the battle was raging, she DID seem to look into the camera, twice, for a couple of seconds each. It felt an amazing moment of connection. “You are the most fascinating woman on this site” Amazingly, another immediate, red, “Ty”. “if you really think that,” said Stooge, “you must have led a very sheltered life. ” “No not really, ” I replied, “All the others just seem the same” “If you don’t agree she is the most fascinating person on here, why stooge are you still here?” “Waiting for some miracle, to show she has a brain or a personality” Someone then took her private & I wandered off to look at Melanic. When I came back, no one else seemed to be there for a while, until two or three new people emerged. By then I had found her email address in her photos & tracked her down on Google to her Yahoo site and more stunningly beautiful pictures. “Littlewolf” I said to her only, and she kept her face impassive, though her heart & mind must have been racing inside. Then “Would you please look me in the eye once more before I go?”, to which she without hesitation glanced sideways at me out of the corner of her eye.

Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily (28th July 2006)

Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily. In fact you cannot have one without the other. Berlin Eroticism is different again, as is Munich Eroticism, and Brussels Eroticism. I will always remember Maria in Pour Platin. I will always remember arriving in Vienna at 11pm in the snow. Saybia, Mando Diao,The Libertines, Chemical Brothers, Soulwax.
I am sure Lilith knows I am there from the moment I connect to her room. A look always comes over her face, and is it my imagination but does she always start readjusting her camera, just to give an excuse to look directly into the lens? The moment I logged in under — I am sure I saw her face freeze, as if suddenly desperate not to betray any emotion, but I am sure her heart started beating faster, because she started breathing deeper and faster.

Well Lilith was back on (July 10th 2006)

Well Lilith was back on, but I am back out. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was hanging long for the first time. After what I said after my private with her, you could have least let your hair down for me?????!!!!!! So this time she came on with her hair down, especially for me? She also had red lipstick, and those black mascared eyes. I went up to business centre to log in & I could see she was breathing really heavily, like she was nervous, excited, seeing I had logged in. Just before she disappeared into private with someone, she looked two or three times into the camera, as if saying goodbye to me for the night. There was once again a softer look in her face tonight, no longer the hard tense bitterness that had developed. A soft fond look, from the night I first told her she was the most fascinating girl. She is soft towards me once again? She was also wearing a black top again with red trim this time. Just one more night to get through!

Another call from Olga as I lay cutting up my newspapers (9th July 2006)

Another call from Olga as I lay cutting up my newspapers. I let it ring out, but immediately felt guilty, & texted her back “Oh Olga”. This time I answered. “What you doing Wednesday & Thursday? You come swimming with me?” “Maybe.” “Maybe, or yes?!” “I don’t like swimming, but I like you.” “All right, we will just go outside somewhere.” Thursday. I feel excited. She always turns me on. I always want to lay with her and f–k her. I have loved her since the first time I met her. It has been almost two years now.

Then there is Florence, who I am still addicted to. Then there is Lilith. “When you put your face close to the camera, it is like the greatest thing in the world. It is like the opening bars of Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. Something great has just occurred. Like Norman Mailer wrote about Last Tango in Paris. When Marlon Brando first meets Maria Schneider in the apartment & without warning reaches down & rips her knickers off in one movement, the sound of that tear is as great a moment in Western civilisation as the opening Da-da-da-daas of Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. It is lunacy but beautiful lunacy. When you put your face next to the screen, it is as great. You say you do this for connections. Yet you don’t see the point. Maybe just not with me. You are on a different level to all the other girls. You are iconic. I am scopophile. Erotomane. If you don’t talk, you become a fetish object. We gaze & gaze at you. No one else would be worth gazing at. Your face is addictive. There is more going on in your face & eyes than all the other ‘models’ put together. Men look, and women are looked at. I cannot believe there is anyone on the entire web as worth gazing at as you. You glow in the dark. Like the tip of your night-time cigarette. And the men gather to you, like moths around the flame. And if their wings burn, you know you’re not to blame. Marlene Dietrich. Years ago, I used to go to old cinemas and gaze up at her face like I do to yours now. They say her glory was all down to the lighting. It is clever the way you light yourself as well. You just show us your face & shoulders, and lit by a spotlight. None of the other girls do that. I can scroll down the list of online girls so quickly knowing your face will leap out as soon as I get to it.” Every meeting with Olga is so charged and erotic.
Every meeting with Florence is so charged and erotic. Every meeting with Lilith is so charged and erotic. Demi, too. Melani. To an extent, Sandra, Helen.

Sin, degradation, and despair (8th July 2006)

Sin, degradation, and despair. But enough of the good things in life. I have become so used to you, I no longer like it when the other girls reply to me. I now only become erotically aroused when ignored. When I first talked with Lilith in free, she had no lipstick on, just those black eye shadow & black mascara eyes. After she was whisked away from me into private (maybe she keeps taking herself private to lure me in?), she came back wearing that blood red lipstick again, and looking so beautiful. This time I had to take her private myself. ************No sign of Lilith tonight. I have a quandary. I’d have to be as rich as Croesus to pay $20 a time just for four minutes of conversation with you. Yet you do not talk for free. So what is left? I actually look forward to Sunday night back at work so I can look for her again. Like Orphée into the Underworld.

Finally went private with Lilith (7th July 2006)

Finally went private with Lilith. She was wearing black again, with really black eyes. Really red lips, like she was making an effort. Amazing she let me in at all. Not a smile from her, though. Spent $37 just talking to her. “Maybe the riddle is not supposed to be solved”. When I was talking to her in free, telling her she looked like Kate Moss, someone else kept whisking her into private. I am sure that must have been —, so jealous when anyone else gets on with her. It happened twice. I told her I would send her another email and she replied no ty. You hate me that much. I don’t hate you. I just don’t see the point. I am more hooked then ever. I don’t want to be hooked. I even got a response from Geany. She was wearing those green knickers. I said whenever I see that shade of green I always think of you. And she started smiling. I then said green how I love you green. And she replied hahah, whether that was sarcastic or not I do not know. She said she was Romanian yet she seems to talk fluent Spanish, so maybe she does know Lorca.