I feel an almost physical revulsion at the thought of going back to Sunset and Demi and Pamela [13th Sept 2006]

I feel an almost physical revulsion at the thought of going back to Sunset and Demi and Pamela. But what else is there, so I will eventually. When I know the pleasures I have felt in those places felt so intense. I feel a physical revulsion for going back to those nighttime Vienna places and the nighttime Berlin places. I feel a physical revulsion for spending any money when I am in this saving mode. That is good. I have become allergic to spending money when before I seemed addicted to it. I feel an almost physical revulsion for women. I am a strange man. How can -- or anyone have a relationship with a strange man like me. I am like Ralph Fiennes Spider. I only learnt how to be alone when I was a baby, and I always will be. I love places where I can be alone surrounded by loud pounding music and naked girls, that is why I love the dream world of the Scotsman and Sunset Strip so much. It is the ultimate detachment. The ultimate transcendency. The ultimate lens. The ultimate gateway to the state of bliss that is the Kingdom of Death. Ultimate nothingness. --'s finger to the lips in a hushing gesture seems a very big moment. That nervousness so intense I cannot breathe as the train nears Nuremberg & as I got off and walk along the corridor to the entrance hall, and the nervousness I felt so intense I could not breathe as i went down the steps at the Astral, I now feel when I walk to the Scotsman from the north from the 91 stop. I feel it too when I enter Sunset Cinema, hoping to find a woman being monickered, and also when I go up the models' steps. That is the high. That is the drug.

This is Fu Manchu weather (5th July 2006)

This is Fu Manchu weather. Black, steamy, hot and humid, but raining all the time. A permanent mist of rain in the hot, steamy conditions. It is like being in Phnom Penh. This is Cambodia weather. Two in the Calcutta with white shirt Katerina with no eye contact. Sylvie was first on in Sunset followed by Jolanda. Nina was next. She is so much like Melani, but Melani is Nina x100. Nina does not turn me on though she is so beautiful. Also there Angelina, and doing the middle shift, Sandra. A quiet small brunette but she was so sexy! She made eye contact with me a lot & really turned me on. I left about 5 because it is so empty on early shift I feel uncomfortable. 

At the Scotsman was ——. After dancing she marched straight to back & sat down with me again. I bought her another Red Bull. She was so sexy in little red tartan bra & knickers only. Drinking so much so quickly on empty stomach I was feeling randier than normal, and when she left to collect, & asked me to keep her drink safe for her, I stroked her bum and had a good feel of it. She looked at me in mock shock but she was so sexy on stage. While she was dancing however, a huge voluptuous red haired girl came in with two blokes to talk to Tina. They exchanged numbers & then she came & sat where —— had been sitting, so I could get a good side on look at her. Those tits are the most massive I have ever seen in my life. Her arse was practically hanging out of her jeans & that was massive as well. She glanced at me a few times. If she ever danced there I would die with pleasure. It would be the greatest striptease I have ever seen in my life. Knocking even fat-bottomed silver-dressed girl at Carnival into the shade. They were like zeppelins. Looking past her, —— suddenly seemed so ridiculously small. —— came back for her drink & found the girl there & was then in animated conversation with her & they exchanged numbers as well. After that —— came & had a drink with another man sitting at the side bar in front of me. After collecting —— sidled up to me again, whispering "a drink? Vodka & coke". After she finished I bought it for her & she came & collected in by the gents but just walked off with it & stood talking to other men with my drink in her hands!

Vicki was quite friendly, not scowling at least. Stella smiled hello as she passed me by the gents, but I don’t think I stayed long enough to see her dance, or Kelly (Enlgish). 

I went back to look for Francesca but she was busy, so I went back to Sunset for Lana & Nikita, the end of Elektra, and one more from Sandra before she left at 9. I watched most of the France v Portugal second half then went to Sunset Cinema. The films were great. Magma Swing Party, Nympho Nurses Naughty, and Tittenalarm 17—all German films!—plus Fresh Meat 18. I thought I was turned on enough so I went back to Francesca. She lived up to her description. Her breasts are sensational. She is pretty enough as well. For an extra £5 I got her to turn over but still could not come. She offered a hand job AND TOOK THE CONDOM OFF TO GIVE IT! It is true, she lets you come over her tits just like that. Still I could not come, so I apologised & kissed her goodbye. She works Tuesday to Saturday but only to 10PM. I will for sure go back many times. 

I went back to the cinema again for more of the great films. Upstairs was bald bloke with pretty brunette girl from last week but they do not seem to do much. This time I was ready to explode, & though I wanted to carry on watching the films, I made my way to Demi, but another girl was there, Savannah. She was pretty but £30. I was tempted but she walked off angrily, so her attitude turned me off though her body was great. I went back to Pamela. It was so nice sucking her tits and the edge of her nipples at least. I could not stop sucking and love biting her. For £25 she turned over & I came very nicely again. I made her lay with me for just a couple of minutes, but could not stop laughing for some reason. She did not stay with me as I got dressed this time. I was too drunk to ask her anything. I came home after that. There was a sexy brown ponytail girl stood behind me at bus stop then she came & sat in the corner seat just beneath me, in little pink vest & I could not help keep looking down at her cleavage & her face, and she knew I was looking & I think liked it. She got off Wandsworth Road just before me. Sitting in back seat opposite me our knees touching was most beautiful blonde in long skirt, jacket over little green top, with nice big tits & cleavage on show. I grabbed a few ogles & she was so beautiful. On the next corner seat was the purple blouse girl from before! In brown leather jacket, low cut shirt with tops of breasts visible, and tight brown skirt. Red lips. She was so sexy. Sitting side on ready to get off she knew I was looking at her so much. All in all, a very sexy night. A night of a thousand breasts, and a dozen super-voluptuous vixens. Jolanda, redhead at the Scotsman, Francesca, Pamela, girls at bus stop & on bus. Sandra.

I wake up 245am thinking about my mother so much. Then I think about Pamela (2nd June 2006)

I wake up 245am thinking about my mother so much. Then I think about Pamela. Then I think—Oh those kabins of Berlin & Brussels & Munich! Love of mother, love of woman, love of sex. The three things seem to drive me mad fighting for pre-eminence. I would really like to see Duke Bluebeard and Erwartung tonight, and Phedre if not. Maybe this week has felt so empty because I was avoiding Pamela the one person I have feelings for (especially now that Melani has gone as well). Always head towards what you believe to be the most beautiful thing. Maybe I should try & get home by 12 midday so I can record the Strauss programme. Get the 405 train back but come back to the flat first so I am not drinking for too long before the opera. I want Pamela tonight. Sometimes I can drink so fast, and so easily. I am running so fast, so excited, on such a high. Last night I could not drink. The pint and then two halves went down so slowly. Nothing felt right. I could not stay awake at Ariodante. I was so uninspired. I WANT PAMELA.
You hurt yourself if you try to avoid the thing you have feelings for. Like when I planned to go to Oslo & Copenhagen, when all I really wanted was Viktoriya in Munich.
I always develop feelings for whores. Stupid, I know.
I hope I get really drunk tonight, on such a high, then get really turned on at the opera, and am bursting for Pamela by the time it ends. I want to go crazy tonight.
Why don't I start going to The Sherlock Holmes for one pint always BEFORE I go to the Calcutta? I need to do something new! A slight change of routine. I love my mother so much. What will I do without her?

I have got to pull myself together. But when have I ever been any different? (19th May 2006)

I have got to pull myself together. But when have I ever been any different? I go from one addictive behaviour to another. If I don't go to Black Hole of Calcutta, I go to Sunset and Sunset Cinema and Pamela; if I don’t do that I go to the ENO and ogle The Lemon Tree barmaids in the intervals. All my life has been lost to the grip of addictive & obsessive behaviour. Because I am lost. I need a secure, loving relationship with a partner. Who are the current contenders? Melani or Pamela. I love it when I am at my lowest, because then I can write most bleakly & most starkly. Then I can write in blood, in cold, stoveless rooms with blue hands. There is so much pain inside me. That sounds melodramatic but I do not know what else to say. I am a vessel brimming over with pain. I long to be able to talk to my mother. I long for Melani or Pamela. If I died tomorrow my mother would not know the first thing about me. I record the pain of my life. I record the loneliness of my life*******Oh, but I have such soft feelings for Melani. ************ Who are the women in my life now? Melani, the Lemon Tree barmaid, the bus stop girl, Pamela, Demi. ************ Like it or not, my relationships with whores are the most important of my life: Lydia, Iga, Riccarda, Viktoriya, Diana, Ana Maria, Lela, Pamela --- all had a massive impact on my life (and all had a's at the end of their name). Not to mention the dancers, --, Anya, Sylvia. It's only when you go too far, you suddenly find yourself on a cliff, teetering over a precipice, like the Justice Palace in Brussels. Wasn't the time I spent with Pamela worth every minute? As was all the time I spent with Ana, and Lela, and Iga & Riccarda & Diana & Viktoriya & Irina. That debt figure of 5,000 has a whole lot of pleasure & joy in it. ************ All this money I have spent in the past 2 weeks was absolutely vital. It could not have been otherwise. I had to see Melani both times, I had to go to 20 minutes with Pamela, and then to 30 minutes. I had to go to La Belle Helene and The Makropulos Case. So what am I to reproach myself for? I had to go with Demi. I had to go to The Lemon Tree. It was obsessive, but I enjoyed all of it. All of it was intense. The debt I am running and pushing is absolutely essential money well spent. As I always say, I could be struck by lightning tomorrow, and what use to me if I tightened my belt and lived like a monk for a year just to owe zero pounds on my credit cards? I could don my hairshirt for two years and never go out, reducing my credit card to zero, then released to enjoy myself again, step outside the house & be struck by a lightning bolt. What then the use of those two years saving money & being a good boy? Better to always run a debt & keep having amazing experiences.

Ernest Dowson and Hart Crane would both get drunk every night and usually become violent & almost insane (24th April 2006)

Ernest Dowson and Hart Crane would both get drunk every night, and usually become violent & almost insane. I am driving myself almost to insanity every night at the Flying Scotsman. So where are my poems? Try to get into the habit of going to the Scotsman just once a week, and never again on a Saturday. If I go just once a week, then I can also go into Soho afterwards, for Sunset Strip, Sunset Cinema and maybe Pamela as well. The other two days off I will concentrate on staying and writing through the night.

I always love seeing Pamela. How good it felt to be in Sunset Cinema going up & down stairs between the two cinemas with my big swollen sore cock rolling inside my trousers. The sexual charge in those places is fantastic, and now summer is coming there may be more chance of finding some girls in there, too. All artists have to throw themselves into the gutter. Face it the greatest memories of my life have come in the Astral Cinema, the Soho Cinema, and the Sunset Cinema. All the incredible hot erotic memories from those places! I drink to derange my senses & go into the dream world. From there I can go back to Soho and the Sunset Cinema. Just imagine if the Flying Scotsman did private dances as well! Thank God they do not! There is something glorious in my drunken stupidities at the Scotsman. But please–once a week! Then I will allow myself Sunset Cinema as well. Like Hart Crane cruising the violent & dangerous Brooklyn, Manhattan & Hoboken shorefronts I cannot help but going back into Soho cinemas, despite the shame & ignominy & ruin it brings on myself–because the highs are so great & so exciting! 

“…All the couples part abruptly and pull up their trousers. That’s the flâneur, caught in the spotlight, blushing perhaps but with a wry smile playing around his lips. This, at least, is Edmund White’s kind of flâneur , cruising for sex while a few yards away tourists are paying through the nose for grim dinner-dancing experiences as they float along the Seine. When White lived in Paris between 1983 and 1998, he quickly found the best places to cruise. The Palais Royal and the Tuileries gardens (especially the gravel walkways by the Orangerie) sound like delightful places for outdoor sex, though why he thought the quay near Gare d’Austerlitz would be is, frankly, beyond me. He writes: “Most people, straight or gay, think that cruising is pathetic or sordid – but for me, at least, some of my happiest moments have been spent making love to a stranger beside dark, swiftly moving water below a glowing city.” Paris: city of light, but better, city of darkness and anonymous sex. White maintains, not very convincingly and rather half-heartedly, that cruising is an extension or application of the art of the flâneur. Those practitioners and theoreticians of the art, Walter Benjamin and Charles Baudelaire, wouldn’t have had much time for that idea, and nor should we. The whole point about a flâneur is that he or she is an aimless stroller. By contrast, a cruiser is utterly directed, as Schopenhauer might have put it, towards the extinction of his desire. The flâneur's desire is much less ardent, perhaps approaching non-existence, and thus resembles the disinterested appreciation that Kant argued was characteristic of aesthetic experience.”

****************

I like getting wilder & wilder. Audit Day today. The —— is going to be audited. I am going to get caned. Infernal’s From Paris to Berlin is No.4 in the charts! Reminding me so much of my travels. Also the Out of Touch, Out of Time video in the Calcutta. I love the excitement of travel. IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS I HAVE SPENT £422! I COULD HAVE GONE TO BERLIN INSTEAD & USED IT TO PAY FOR THE £165 BA FLIGHT & £225 BERLIN PLAZA FOR FOUR NIGHTS, STILL WITH BEER & KNESEPFANNE MONEY LEFT OVER! I COULD HAVE SEEN THE HEATHROW PON DE REPLAY WOMAN. THEY’VE SHOCKED US AND HELPED OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD. 12 BOOKS THAT CHANGED THE WORLD. THE HMS BEAGLE LANDED ON THE GALAPAGOS 1835. I AM A GENTLEMAN SCIENTIST. A SYNOPSIS OF HIS LIFE’S WORK. PUBLISHING IT WAS LIKE CONFESSING TO A MURDER. I shrunk from all contact with the other children in nursery. I shrunk from all contact with other pupils at school. I shrink from all contact with people now as an adult. One of the great things about me is my blissful uncaredness: I couldn’t care what ——, or M—–, or G— think of me. I am in my private world, going there for my private reasons.

I tottered back to look in Sunset Cinema then back to Pamela (18th March 2006)

I tottered back to look in Sunset Cinema, then back to Pamela. It was so lovely to see her again. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her tits are fantastic. I asked about her Greek boyfriend, and she said “I haven’t got a boyfriend anymore”!!! Feeling thrilled, I asked what happened to the Greek, and she said “it just didn’t work out”. I told her not to bother with condom, and she just lay on top of me. Then she lay back and let me suck her breasts until they got too sensitive & she told me when to stop. She let me kiss her pussy just once! She was so sexy, and was smiling so much, and was so warm. At last I am melting her Swedish ice! I did not want to let her go, and kept pulling her back to the bed, which made her smile & laugh.

There seemed to be a party going on in the Sunset Cinema bar (20th Dec 2006)

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Great depression when I woke this morning (19th Nov 2006)

Great depression when I woke this morning. Rejected by Pamela, —–, just used by Lydia to get her passport. Lydia does look so good, though, she turned me on so much. If we go to the swimming pool & sauna this month, I will not be able to resist trying to f–k her in the steam room! 

Huge pressure in my chest. Pamela’s rejection has saddened me.

I needed Pamela just to get me over —– (18th Nov 2006)

I needed Pamela just to get me over —–, so that money was vital to spend. I am now in my official worst ever financial position—but I am not crying over —– anymore. I even really enjoyed watching ——–, and —-, and could really enjoy all the girls again. I even got a thank you from ——–, and as she was trying to collect from drunk man, she backed into me & I even got a sorry from her, and in fact she stayed with her back resting against my arm the whole time she was with him. Maybe she sees I am not the only one who gets drunk and I am not as bad as some. 

I will leave Pamela for a while now, so my finances should recover a bit. It will just be twice a week at the Scotsman which shouldn’t be too bad. Maybe an occasional Sunset as well. 

BERLIN IN APRIL FOR SALOME IS A MUST!!!! 

So this is it—my first anniversary of moving into my own flat. What have I to show for it? Very little. It is my nest, my hiding place, and that is important though. I seem to have talked myself into going back to Brussels again, and Munich/Nuremberg, and Vienna, and Berlin in April! 

I don’t want to go to bed at night because I feel so empty and depressed. So unfulfilled, another day gone by on which I did absolutely nothing. Remember how I felt at the end of the Pete Doherty Arena, I wanted to go out & get high & lose myself, I suppose I am just feeling down now. Who would I like to be with now? Pamela? Yes. —–? No. I will not look at — for a week.

I love Pamela but cannot have her (15th Nov 2006)

I love Pamela but cannot have her. Another unrequited love in my life, after —–. At least with Pamela there is no madness, no great missed opportunity to torment me. There is just a sadness, when being with her is so lovely, she is so voluptuous and beautiful, it is so hard to come away. I will not see her again for a long time, I think. It is pointless, crazy, like it became with Lydia. And I am getting missed calls from her again, on the 9th, 10th, and 12th. 

I was running late so did not get to the Calcutta till 540, I took the box seat and found the Calcutta Belle & her man already sitting there. She was sitting facing me & it was hard to resist looking at her in the mirror. I left just after 6, after just one, as she was putting her coat on to leave as well. I got to the Scotsman just as —— was coming back to collect from some men she had missed first time but did not approach me, yet when she got on stage she was looking at me with little smiles. Sam, Crystal, Lucky. Alison, Cindy, Kelly, Cristina finishing at 7 same as Arleni. Holland v England was on which saved me some money.

—— served me first with a little smile. It did seem very busy in there; I wonder if people had been reading my recommendations! It was great to see Lucky & Alison again, but nothing else, and I left after 3. Felt so steaming mad, and bad-tempered on the bus, just from the despair and unhappiness of my life. Would have loved a Dionysus but resisted. Looked in Sunset Cinema but could not be bothered, just wanted to see Pamela. £47. Finally understood now it will always be no. Sadness. She is so good to hold, and talk to. Her dog is a terrier, called —. “He loves me”.

Not sure why I was quite so depressed after last night (9th November 2006)

Not sure why I was quite so depressed after last night. Felt rejected by —— covering her ears when I asked about private parties, and then by Pamela keep saying no to me, she is busy every day, then when I asked her if she had a boyfriend she announced she had a not-quite a boyfriend, a Frenchman, who she knew from when she first came to England. Did not wake up till 130PM, just in time to head back to Calcutta for four, then the Queen Anne. Clara, Lucy is Giselle from Sunset! Then Redd appeared. My god. She is everything she is cracked up to be and more. Changed into black businesswoman’s jacket and skirt with nothing underneath. I had a private dance with her and she rubbed very hard against me. She is awesome. It will be so long till I see her again. Got to work just before 10. Fairly awful night as can be expected with six pints inside me. 

Arleni, Maira, the unbelievably pretty Sol, Sam, Lena, Michelle, at the Flying Scotsman. And —- who I avoided. Stupidly I went into Sunset Cinema, paid £12, just looked upstairs and downstairs then left straightaway. I was too drunk. Big Naughty Titties is the only title I can remember. Pamela was busy so I sat with maid waiting, She smiled hello when she saw me, in red bra & knickers, & hair pulled back tight. As I said I felt like she would always reject me and it will never happen. “Don’t look sad” she said as I dressed, “I hate it when you look sad” At least I only spent £22 this time. All those gorgeous Berlin whores I could be fucking in Mon Cheri,Golden Gate and Monte Carlo. All those gorgeous Vienna whores. Clarisse in Brussels. 

It is six days till I can misbehave again next Wednesday. Just three hours to get through tonight. 

This day last year I was heading to Berlin for Eugene Onegin at the Deutsche Oper, and going to see the Katarina Wild Horses film in BEC afterwards, and getting so hard it would not go down even by the time I got back to leaf-strewn Ku’damm. How long till I do that again? The thing is I don’t regret spending £12 in cinema Wednesday, I just regret not forcing myself to stay. 

I would like to see Demi again in Peter Street. For that I have to go to cinema first. Just 8 days till —– at the Horse & Groom. New brunette girl in the Calcutta. Thank God a girl at last!

Cannot talk to anyone at work again (6th November 2006)

Cannot talk to anyone at work again. Awful. Want something to happen with Pamela. After all it is Tuesday tonight, so I can possible see her tomorrow. Calcutta, Flying Scotsman?, Sunset Cinema, Lisle Street. Maybe I will give the Scotsman a miss for a week. I do like those long long sessions in the Calcutta. The bigger question concerns Thursday. Do I go see Redd Adaire 4-8 at the Queen Anne?

Yes I have spent £268 this week—but it was vital money to get me over —– and start something new with Pamela (4th Nov 2006)

Yes I have spent £268 this week—but it was vital money to get me over —– and start something new with Pamela. Pamela did repeat on Thursday that she doesn’t go out with customers, but then she said “I cannot go out this week, and I cannot go out next week because I am busy every day”. What about the week after? “I don’t know what my plans are the week after”. So she is not ruling it out then! Or am I clutching at straws?

It is amazing how everything has come together (3rd November 2006)

It is amazing how everything has come together: Hogarth, Harlot’s Progress, Hogarthian Flying Scotsman, Pamela, —–, Zoe Tapper, Twenty Thousand Streets. The necklace I commented to —– on, my necklace that broke with Pamela. I never want to do anything but drink in the Calcutta, then go up to either the Hogarthian Flying Scotsman to drink some more and hopefully see —–, or to see Pamela in Lisle Street next to the Crooked Surgeon. 

I want to try to get to the Soanes Museum, The Departed, Cabaret.

The reason I am going crazy over Pamela is my madness over —– (2nd November 2006)

The reason I am going crazy over Pamela is my madness over —–. The two are connected inextricably, I will never get anything from either. 

Another five in the Calcutta. The Belle of the Calcutta came in at 530 with boyfriend, black boots, short black dress, white white legs, black lipstick, brown fur trimmed coat, what a sex bomb. Later I sat at round table so I could get a direct look as she sat facing him in box seat, beautiful breasts in that black silk dress. From there I do not remember but I must have walked up to Leicester Square up the side-turning directly towards the Crooked Surgeon and straight into Pamela’s door, Emma now. She was grinning as she opened the door £50 for twenty minutes talking! Let me suck her breasts and did not stop me even when her nipples got hard, and let me lick her pussy as well. 

Fantastic watching the Hogarth Harlot’s Progress programme when I got back with Zoe Tapper again as the prostitute Mary Collins. How poignant to see Hogarth falling so infatuatedly in love with his whore. 

A Harlot’s Progress 

“In 1731 the artist William Hogarth produced a graphic series of paintings which lifted the lid on 18th-century vice and established his enduring reputation as a remarkable social satirist and the greatest British artist of his day. With an all-star cast, A Harlot’s Progress depicts Hogarth’s exploration of sex trafficking and debauchery in Georgian London.”

When I feel so broken and sad like I did last night & now I need to go on from the Scotsman to the cinema to lose myself in porn & that high (2nd October 2006)

When I feel so broken and sad like I did last night & now, I need to go on from the Scotsman to the cinema to lose myself in porn & that high, and on that high, dangerously excited, to go on to see Demi or Pamela. I need to see someone to take my mind off —–. And then straightaway I am right back into my old life and nothing will have changed whatsoever! Friday night 7pm I had another missed call from Olga. I definitely need to lose myself in the spiritual high of porn and whores to get my mind off the intense sadness of my relationship with —–. That means Berlin may have to wait till April or May. I didn’t try to talk to —– or buy her a drink, because I just want things to settle down between us, which started to happen at the end, when she let her body rest against mine & massaged my shoulder, so that I will feel OK about going to see her in Plumstead on the 18th November, which after all is only SIX WEEKS away! 

I am a dreamy boy, who lives in a world of his own. I am Ernest Dowson, seemingly always submerged in a dream. He spent all his money on drink and whores. He suffered the torture of the damned because his beloved Adelaide did not love him back. I need to go to see Demi and Pamela, to try to console me over my broken heart with —–. “I have been faithful to thee, Cynara, in my fashion” But all the time I am fucking Demi or Pamela it will be really —– I am imagining is beneath me.

This is Fu Manchu weather (5th July 2006)

This is Fu Manchu weather. Black, steamy, hot and humid, but raining all the time. A permanent mist of rain in the hot, steamy conditions. It is like being in Phnom Penh. This is Cambodia weather.

Two in the Calcutta with white shirt Katerina with no eye contact. Sylvie was first on in Sunset followed by Jolanda. Nina was next. She is so much like Melani, but Melani is Nina x100. Nina does not turn me on though she is so beautiful. Also there Angelina, and doing the middle shift, Sandra. A quiet small brunette but she was so sexy! She made eye contact with me a lot & really turned me on. I left about 5 because it is so empty on early shift I feel uncomfortable. At the Scotsman was ——. After dancing she marched straight to back & sat down with me again. I bought her another red bull. She was so sexy in little red tartan bra & knickers only. Drinking so much so quickly on empty stomach I was feeling randier than normal, and when she left to collect, & asked me to keep her drink safe for her, I stroked her bum and had a good feel of it. She looked at me in mock shock but she was so sexy on stage. While she was dancing however, a huge voluptuous red haired girl came in with two blokes to talk to Tina. They exchanged numbers & then she came & sat where —— had been sitting, so I could get a good side on look at her. Those tits are the most massive I have ever seen in my life. Her arse was practically hanging out of her jeans & that was massive as well. She glanced at me a few times. If she ever danced there I would die with pleasure. It would be the greatest striptease I have ever seen in my life. Knocking even fat bottomed silver dressed girl at Carnival into the shade. They were like zeppelins. Looking past her, —— suddenly seemed so ridiculously small. —— came back for her drink & found the girl there & was then in animated conversation with her & they exhanged numbers as well. After that —— came & had a drink with another man sitting at the side bar in front of me. After collecting —— sidled up to me again, whispering a drink, vodka & coke. After she finished I bought it for her & she came & collected in by the gents but just walked off with it & stood talking to other men with my drink in her hands! Vicki was quite friendly, not scowling at least. Stella smiled hello as she passed me by the gents, but I don’t think I stayed long enough to see her dance, or Kelly (E).

I went back to look for Francesca but she was busy, so I went back to Sunset for Lana & Nikita, the end of Elektra, and one more from Sandra before she left at 9. I watched most of the France v Portugal second half then went to Sunset Cinema. The films were great. Magma Swing Party, Nympho Nurses Naughty, and Titten Alarm 17—all German films!—plus Fresh Meat 18. I thought I was turned on enough so I went back to Francesca. She lived up to her description. Her breasts are sensational. She is pretty enough as well. For an extra £5 I got her to turn over but still could not come. She offered a hand job AND TOOK THE CONDOM OFF TO GIVE IT! It is true, she lets you come over her tits just like that. Still I could not come, so I apologised & kissed her goodbye. She works Tuesday to Saturday but only to 10PM. I will for sure go back many times.

I went back to the cinema again for more of the great films. Upstairs was bald man with pretty brunette girl from last week but they do not seem to do much. This time I was ready to explode, & though I wanted to carry on watching the films, I made my way to Demi, but another girl was there, Savannah. She was pretty but £30. I was tempted but she walked off angrily, so her attitude turned me off though her body was great. I went back to Pamela. It was so nice sucking her tits and the edge of her nipples at least. I could not stop sucking and love biting her. For £25 she turned over & I came very nicely again. I made her lay with me for just a couple of minutes, but could not stop laughing for some reason. She did not stay with me as I got dressed this time. I was too drunk to ask her anything. I came home after that. There was a sexy brown ponytail girl stood behind me at bus stop then she came & sat in the corner seat just beneath me, in little pink vest & I could not help keep looking down at her cleavage & her face, and she knew I was looking & I think liked it. She got off W Road just before me. Sitting in back seat opposite me our knees touching was most beautiful blonde in long skirt, jacket over little green top, with nice big tits & cleavage on show. I grabbed a few ogles & she was so beautiful. On the next corner seat was the purple blouse girl from before! In brown leather jacket, low cut shirt with tops of breasts visible, and tight brown skirt. Red lips. She was so sexy. Sitting side on ready to get off she knew I was looking at her so much.

All in all, a very sexy night. A night of a thousand breasts, and a dozen super-voluptuous vixens. Jolanda, red head at the Scotsman, Francesca, Pamela, girls at bus stop & on bus. Sandra.