Showing posts with label twenty thousand streets under the sky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twenty thousand streets under the sky. Show all posts

Sunday, 21 March 2021

“Caulfield was constantly alert to the everyday excitements of living in a major city" (21st March 2006)

“Caulfield was constantly alert to the everyday excitements of living in a major city. It is unlikely that he ever read Virginia Woolf (“It seemed to deal with a middle-to-upper-class society that I didn’t know anything about and it meant nothing to me”, he once said of the mid-century English novel), but he shared with Woolf a love of urban experience, seen quite vividly, in a novel such as Mrs Dalloway, for example, in all its hallucinatory particulars: “In people’s eyes, in the swing, tramp and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans … in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London … “ And yet for the 40 years of his career, Caulfield painted places that offered respite from the noise and sheer teeming variety of city life and the jangly rhythms of modern urban existence. These included restaurants, cafes, hotel foyers and other public places, as well as bars. For many years his first call of the day was at his local, a few minutes after the bolts had been drawn in the morning. “Getting drunk: there was no doubt that that was always the quest,” Martin Amis once wrote of his father, Kingsley (who, as it happens, was a fellow-regular and morning tippler at the pub Caulfield used in Primrose Hill in north London). “Being drunk had its points, but getting drunk was the good bit.” Caulfield liked to breathe in the opening-time cellar smells and observe the shapes the slanting light cut through the fixtures and fittings; he liked to stare into the distance and listen to London. Early paintings such as View of the Rooftops (1965) and Lit Window (1969), and later ones such as Trou Normand (1997), Rust Never Sleeps (1996) and Terrace (2002) are proof that this was time well spent. The arrival of fellow customers he took as a sign that it was time for him to be on his way.” 
An uneventful journey to work, and night. Just one more night to get through. Wednesday night is Chelsea v Newcastle in the FA Cup. 
“Bob the pub waiter, in Patrick Hamilton’s 1929 novel, The Midnight Bell, establishes a pattern the author would follow until the end of his days: rivers of booze, obsessive pursuit of the wrong woman, rapidly diminishing funds, time killed in afternoon cinemas.Drink and tranquillised sleep were sympathetic conditions. “There was a fog even in the cinema,” reported Bob, Hamilton’s befuddled waiter, when he hid away in the picture palace attached to Madame Tussaud’s in Marylebone Road. Earlier, Bob had enjoyed a double-bill in the company of a friendly barmaid (taking his mind off the prostitute he was pursuing): a Richard Dix feature, followed by 20 minutes of Fritz Lang’s Spione. Like Hitchcock, Hamilton learned how to work those weather metaphors: slush, sodden streets, the yawning parenthesis of the English Channel. Autobiography, the writing of fiction, the visiting of afternoon cinemas, gradually merge in Hamilton’s addiction, his heroic attempt to drink himself to death (a macho pissing contest with Malcolm Lowry, refereed by their puce-cheeked contemporary, John Davenport). “It’s a shame,” said William Faulkner, “that the only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. He can’t make love. He can’t drink.”



Sunday, 11 October 2020

What am I going to do all day? (11th October 2006)

What am I going to do all day? My life feels so bereft and empty without —–, knowing I cannot even see her again for at least a week. I have got just £2 in my pocket. I am Bob and she is Jenny. My obsession with her is ruining me.



Wednesday, 30 September 2020

Thunder at 6AM. Now torrential rain (30th Sept 2006)

Thunder at 6AM. Now torrential rain. Winter is finally coming. I am autistic. I am Stephane in Un Coeur en Hiver. I am Will Penny. I am the Consul. I am Noodles. It was so good watching that Stephen Fry programme about depression. Even though he had just been to a party and was laughing and joking and was the life of the party, when he got home he cried his eyes out and thought of ways to kill himself. Richard Dreyfus has only coped by being on medication for the last 30 years. Many people find it hard to cope with their minds. 
I am so ridiculously nervous about meeting —– again tonight. Most people have got lots of different kinds of relationships, as Sarah would say. I do not. I have only my longing for —– and nothing else. —– is everything. I just know how I will feel when I wake up Sunday morning with a hangover, depressed, so so empty, feeling so worthless and pointless because I am alone and without her. I dread it—yet what is the alternative? If I stay in and do not go, I will feel just as empty. At least for a couple of hours I will have the intensity of losing myself in the depravity, of diving deeper into darkness. Into the Libertines, Hogarthian, Crane Wine Menagerie world. What I did was perverse with —–. I eventually got over the black psychological meltdown with Black Bob, I eventually got over the black psychological meltdown with Pooky, I eventually got over the black psychological meltdown with Susi and Irina. I suppose I will eventually get over the black psychological meltdown with —–, but it is hard when temptation is always there, when she is so close. I am so unhappy, because I am alone, because I did not take a chance with —–. Falling in love is awful. I have been bombed to ruins again. What is there for me to look forward to? Just writing with cold blue hands in cold stoveless rooms high in the icy mountains. Complete emptiness and hollowness. 
I was always the one who wanted to stay in the corner and not get involved. Fine. 



Tuesday, 8 September 2020

The graph proves that the flat is affordable (8th Sept 2006)

The graph proves that the flat is affordable, allowing me one night out a week. I think I will have to choose between Berlin or Vienna though. Yes I fell off the wagon again, but I do not feel so bad because I had decided to go on Saturday which I will now not do(???). Layla Jane Stella Nicki Zoe Camilla Crystal and after 7 Leah and Sol. I stayed just to see Leah otherwise I would have left after one. It is so nice now I have discovered the 91 bus to get there & back again! After three pints in the Calcutta I did not feel like Scanner or Volver, so went to see Miami Vice instead, in the front row. It was very good. I will have to go back to the flat tonight, Friday night, because there are engineering works on the train all weekend.
Yes my love is like poison, but the Flying Scotsman is like poison too. I am so much like Bob, throwing away all my savings, —– is so much like Jenny. —– is so much like Ella. It is Twenty Thousand Streets Under The Sky made flesh. It is the Libertines. Perhaps I will go Saturday! Just to look! Just for one pint to see the Victim’s Board! What is the point saving money to see strippers in Vienna when the best one is right here in London? Oh no I don’t want to go through that tiring sleazy drunkenness again just two days after the last one. No wait for the dark rainy days. Yesterday was horribly sunny & Saturday will be the same. Two fortnights in a row I have paid £300 off my Barclaycard! That proves the flat is affordable to me. Sunday and Monday are going to be 27ÂșC. This summer is hanging on & coming back for more. The dog days.


The Calcutta was very packed even for a Friday [7th October 2006]

The Calcutta was very packed even for a Friday. I had 3½ pints before going to the Wigmore. To be honest, Frittoli was more voluptuous than ...