I agonise about whether it is really worth going to Berlin and Vienna and Munich and Brussels now, and how all my brilliant memories are so far in the past, but only because I do not have the money now. If I was a millionaire, I would LOVE Vienna and would have no reservations about it at all. I would go there and spend 100 euros a time so freely & easily. It is only because I am so poor and so much in debt, that I now agonise about those places, and torment myself, can I go or not. If I had money I would live freely & be the happiest whorer in the world. I would fuck every one of the whores in Vienna. I would fuck Alla & Olga together in Berlin, I would fuck Erika. I would fuck twenty of the Brussels windows girls. Munich is not worse than it used to be, Vienna is not worse than it used to be, Berlin is not worse than it used to be. It is just now I owe £6,000 when I used to owe £60. If I do give up the strippers in London, and the thought of going back to Sunset or King’s Cross fills me with an almost physical revulsion, and my visits to the White Horse, Old Axe, Rainbows, Browns, Griffin, Queen Anne, Nag’s Head were some of the most dispiriting & crushingly dull moments of my life, that will enable me to pay off more of my credit card bills than I ever did before. Really after those initial lung-bursting three ascents to Brussels, to Munich,and then to Berlin, my holidays have become increasingly dispiriting and miserable, and that is because my debt has started to constrain me so much. I would enjoy those places as much as ever if I could go back to them owing no money as I did then.
In June and July I spent £362 on strippers and £465 on drink. Just in June & July that is £800 I could have had in my Woolwich account or I could have reduced my Visa debt from £1,600 to £800. In April & May I spent £471 on strippers and £382 on drink. That is a further £850 added to £800 makes £1,600. So from the four months April-May-June-July I could have had an extra £1,600 in my Woolwich account, OR REDUCED MY VISA DEBT TO £0! Now will it bring it home to you! “It is eating away at your money, your love and your life”. I say oh I owe six thousands pounds on my credit cards, I don’t see how I can ever pay it off, and yet just in four months April May June July I could have reduced my Barclaycard debt from £1,600 to zero.
I am on such an exciting new project now. I am as thrilled by the prospect of tightening my belt, and living like a monk, and saving money now, as I used to be by living wildly and spraying my money around and living hedonistically. It will be such a slow process before I notice any difference though. Like a supertanker, your personal finances are very slow to turn around. Your Love Is Like Poison, the song that Florence put on & I felt it was aimed at me. Yes, my love is like poison and my love of strippers had become like poison. Like alcohol poisoning your blood by too much drink, I had stripper poisoned by blood. My love was like poison to Florence, to Jolanda and to Melani. All of them started off liking me then wanted to avoid me. Finally now I have the chance to remove the poison from the blood and be clean again. Confessions of an English Opium Eater I carried around with me Friday, and really strippers have been my opium over the years, ever since I first fell into it on that dark, stormy September afternoon on the shining road of Dean Street 14 years ago. I have been in its thrall ever since. And yes in the early days it provided me with magical moments, supremely high moments, but increasingly over the years those high moments became fewer and further between as my addiction worsened, and became nothing but habit, with no joy or excitement left in it. Those red wig days, Czech Boulevard girl days, gold dress days, Carnival days, are very far in my past now. Now there are only the desperate depraved addict's memories of my appalling behaviour. How thrilled I will be now by watching my Woolwich building society account filling up and rising from minus to plus, from plus 100 to 200 to 300. That will be my high now. That will be my addiction now–hoarding money. I will get as much thrill from hoarding money as I used to from spending it. Oh, if only I could have had this revelation earlier, if only I could have had this road to Damascus conversion sooner! But it has to come when the moment is right. I had to wait until I suddenly became physically revolted. I had to wait until the poison became so bad that it reached the tipping point and where it suddenly physically made me sick.
In June and July I spent £362 on strippers and £465 on drink. Just in June & July that is £800 I could have had in my Woolwich account or I could have reduced my Visa debt from £1,600 to £800. In April & May I spent £471 on strippers and £382 on drink. That is a further £850 added to £800 makes £1,600. So from the four months April-May-June-July I could have had an extra £1,600 in my Woolwich account, OR REDUCED MY VISA DEBT TO £0! Now will it bring it home to you! “It is eating away at your money, your love and your life”. I say oh I owe six thousands pounds on my credit cards, I don’t see how I can ever pay it off, and yet just in four months April May June July I could have reduced my Barclaycard debt from £1,600 to zero.
I am on such an exciting new project now. I am as thrilled by the prospect of tightening my belt, and living like a monk, and saving money now, as I used to be by living wildly and spraying my money around and living hedonistically. It will be such a slow process before I notice any difference though. Like a supertanker, your personal finances are very slow to turn around. Your Love Is Like Poison, the song that Florence put on & I felt it was aimed at me. Yes, my love is like poison and my love of strippers had become like poison. Like alcohol poisoning your blood by too much drink, I had stripper poisoned by blood. My love was like poison to Florence, to Jolanda and to Melani. All of them started off liking me then wanted to avoid me. Finally now I have the chance to remove the poison from the blood and be clean again. Confessions of an English Opium Eater I carried around with me Friday, and really strippers have been my opium over the years, ever since I first fell into it on that dark, stormy September afternoon on the shining road of Dean Street 14 years ago. I have been in its thrall ever since. And yes in the early days it provided me with magical moments, supremely high moments, but increasingly over the years those high moments became fewer and further between as my addiction worsened, and became nothing but habit, with no joy or excitement left in it. Those red wig days, Czech Boulevard girl days, gold dress days, Carnival days, are very far in my past now. Now there are only the desperate depraved addict's memories of my appalling behaviour. How thrilled I will be now by watching my Woolwich building society account filling up and rising from minus to plus, from plus 100 to 200 to 300. That will be my high now. That will be my addiction now–hoarding money. I will get as much thrill from hoarding money as I used to from spending it. Oh, if only I could have had this revelation earlier, if only I could have had this road to Damascus conversion sooner! But it has to come when the moment is right. I had to wait until I suddenly became physically revolted. I had to wait until the poison became so bad that it reached the tipping point and where it suddenly physically made me sick.
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