I never meant to hurt you so this is goodbye (29th August 2006)

I never meant to hurt you, so this is goodbye. Tell the truth, you never wanted me. Tell me. The end of me and Florence. Olga. Another missed call from Olga yesterday at 11:03. It breaks my heart to hurt her, but the alternative is she completely uses me and fucks my life up and throws me away behind her.********Found it really hard to sleep on the floor today, felt so uncomfortable, kept waking up at hourly intervals. It was nice sitting in that position typing on my laptop, though. Felt so much attention from the girls on the No.2, that same South American brown ponytail I see SO many times, kept looking sideways and back, gorgeous Albino blonde getting off Hyde Park Corner, and on the 87, that blonde schoolteacher girl again. Just five hours to get through, then….sitting alone in my flat? Will I resist the late bus to Calcutta? I went out at 610PM tonight to get a McDonald's & take it back to flat with me. That was SO nice. Thank God, I could not face more corned beef. Not much else to say. The long hibernation continues. It has to be done. I will go home and get my hair cut Thursday afternoon, maybe back to flat Friday morning. Then I can go see Volver maybe. It it is raining!