OK so I fell off the wagon but it only cost me £30 (27th August 2006)

OK so I fell off the wagon, but it only cost me £30. I can make that up by not going to Calcutta at all this week, as punishment. And I learned an important lesson, that the Bell really is over for me now. Blonde in low cut white top who came in Calcutta for glass of wine just as I was leaving was highlight of the day. Rebels & Martyrs blonde American in skin tight beige trousers that cut her arse in half and grey vest. Now I’ve lost interest in Vienna, lost interest in everything. It was mighty fine to see Lucy again, though. Those thighs, that arse. She is sexy. And nice to see Florence again in see through all in one blue outfit, and coming in in her grey hooded top.***********This was in fact a very valuable £30 and not wasted at all, because it taught me a very valuable lesson, that the Scotsman really is over for me, and most definitely so is Florence. Lucy caught my eyes a couple of times while she was sitting at side, once when I was squinting to look at pink poster, I looked back to screen & saw that she was looking at me, and when she got changed to leave she also glanced to me. It was also valuable because it made me realise I do not even want to drink anymore. I will not go to Calcutta for my nightcaps anymore either, that will recoup the £30. So what will I do in these lovely dark autumn rainy, storm-tossed nights, if no Scotsman, no Sunset, no Calcutta? Stay in enjoying my hamburger & fries, writing by my lamp, reading, listening to my classical music tapes, watching my videos, all the time saving the money to get me back to Vienna and Berlin. I slept all day today, on the floor! What is happening to my life? I am going through a change. I do not know what I am changing into. It was good to see how much more expensive the Scotsman makes my life. It was a useful lesson. It was good to finally see the Rebels & Martyrs exhibition. I did get a slight erection. Lucy liked my rings as well. MY BUS STOP IS BACK! It is so lovely to be able to go from that stop again. Beautiful dream today, where I lived was like in a forest, all overgrown & overhung, up a little muddy path & steps, and I went down to the valley and looked towards the viaduct crossing the valley & framed by overhanging trees, and red sunset, and rushed back to my place under the trees to get my camera. I so much want to stop drinking. I am so tired of being tired all the time, too tired to read or write.